Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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