can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
