i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
