i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
