dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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