Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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