cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
