dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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