Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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