smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
