my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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