I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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