Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
smell my finger.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's blow job season.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
