Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
