Jerry, you need to find god
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
As shirtless as possible
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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