u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
