just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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