i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
