trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
