feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
