he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
