Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
