this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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