So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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