OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
