I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
