God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
