He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
