So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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