butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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