And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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