Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
