im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
this will be a night to untag.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
