I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
