Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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