just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
