Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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