So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
