Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
