You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
