I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
