the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
