her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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