i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
His nipple licking is glorious
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