can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
