Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
