Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
