D3 body, D1 cock
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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