I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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