Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
