Porn is love you can see.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
