he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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