Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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