How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
