That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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